Understanding Relationship Dynamics
Clearly a big area this one, so I’ve opted for a written blog adapted from my upcoming Holistic Life Coaching programme content ‘Understanding Human Nature – The Ultimate Users Guide to Life’. If you want more of the same value and wisdom, then stay tuned for details of the coaching packages coming soon!
Holistic Education: Relationship Dynamics
I’ve found over time that understanding two relatively basic concepts, the nature of vibration and the chakra system allows a quick and simple way to understand what can otherwise seem like the complex dynamics of relationships.
Every phenomena within the universe is made up of vibration – including of course you. Things that have a denser, slower vibration tend to be of a more solid nature – such as the body and objects we consider ‘solid’. Things that have a lighter, faster vibration tend to be less tangible, more etheric in nature – such as thoughts or the air.
As a human being therefore you have a range of vibrations all the way through from slower, more dense ones which create your tangible physiology, through to less tangible ones which create your emotions and thoughts.
We’ve all stood next to someone and instinctively realized that they give off a good vibration (‘vibe’) which may resonate with us and be attractive, or give off vibes which are less appealing, which generally we instinctively move away from.
Within the body we also have 7 distinct areas of very concentrated vibrations. These energy centres occur where there is an aggregation of nerves, a ‘nerve plexus’ within the physiology. The aggregation of nerves all coming together radiate and sense a lot of energy, and we call these centres chakras.
What’s essential to realize is that chakras are not some intangible etheric non-sense, they are each actually grounded within the body itself as they are related to a nerve plexus, and are essentially the electromagnetic radiance of that nerve plexus.
This is where the relationship to each chakra having a colour and sound comes from – different frequencies of Electromagnetic energy relate to different colours and sounds. So each different centre, because it has a different vibrational frequency, has a different colour and sound associated to it.
These energy centres ‘chakras’ on the body, span a spectrum of vibrational frequencies and relating to the broad spectrum of our human faculties, from our physical body through to our thoughts and feelings. They are our way of being able to feel, interpret and radiate our experience as a human being.
How We Experience and Recognise Vibration in the Body-mind
The best way to recognize the importance and tangible effect of vibration on our being is through using music as an example. Music is a quite tangible manifestation of vibrations that we can quite readily relate to. Going back to basics, the sounds have particular vibrations which emanate from the instruments or speakers and impact the surrounding matter, in this case you.
So lets observe what happens when music impacts your body (you don’t just hear music through your ears, you actually listen to it and feel it with your whole body). Firstly you can recognize that certain types of music impact your body in different places – some music makes you feel like moving your hips, some music you may feel opens your Heart and puff your chest out, and some music with a high pitch can feel like it hits you straight between the eyes! If you dance – think of how different types of music moves you in different ways.
Secondly recognize how you feel when different types of music impact your body. Some music energises you like crazy – even the most sedentary lethargic person can be moved and exhilarated by particular music, whereas some music has the capacity to relax you to the point you can fall asleep. And some music has the ability to repel you, to make you contract and retreat.
So with the awareness that all phenomena we experience in life is actually comprised of vibration, in reality it also means that everything that we engage with actually similarly affects and influences our body. And of course other people give off vibrations!
On one level there is no distinction here between how the vibration of inanimate and animate objects can affect us, you can walk in an empty room and feel uncomfortable with the vibrations in there, just like you can feel uncomfortable standing next to another person, but for the purposes of this work we are obviously more focused on relationships with other people.
So just like with music, we feel other peoples vibration through our body – through our nerves – our chakras – and we can also experience that full spectrum of reactions, from a sense of being energised as their vibration hits our body, through to a relaxing or neutral response and then all the way through to being repelled by some people’s vibrations.
However, what’s key to remember here is that we all also of course radiate vibrations from ourselves, which people can similarly react to, and that each relationship dynamic with each person you meet is completely unique, as no two people have the same subtle vibrations. You could have 100 people stand in front of you and each would experience your presence in a slightly different way depending on what happens when the two energy fields (yours and their vibrations) interact.
This is how we have particular feelings evoked when in relation to another person – ‘Chemistry’. This is the beauty (and sometimes the heartache!) of relating – when we engage with another person both people become more than their individual selves and a third dynamic is born, that which is created when you meet. Sometimes we also absorb vibrations from other people into our chakras and body tissues, which is why we can still feel the presence of the person still with us after they may no longer be in close physically proximity. Literally other people do ‘rub off ‘on us.
So similarly the old saying that we often come express when someone irritates us, that they are ‘getting on our nerves’ is actually a totally accurate appraisal of the situation, since it is actually your nerves that are getting irritated by that other! But to repeat again, every relationship dynamic is unique, since we all come with a slightly different set of subtle vibrations that we radiate. So in relationship we are looking at the Alchemy, the combustion, the chemistry of what happens when two unique energy fields engage.
However, it would be remiss to not acknowledge that we must also make some attempt to keep our own vibration and radiance in good harmony. While it’s true that each relationship dynamic is unique, it’s also wise to consider what you may be radiating and how it’s influencing the situation.
Lets revisit our situation where we have 100 people standing in front of one person. It may well be that each person experiences something slightly different, but it can all be around a particular ‘theme’ depending on what that person radiates. If that person is radiating spite, hate and overall discordance, this will still be the underlying expression even if it comes across and is interpreted differently by each person. Just like bad, out of tune music will still sound like bad, out of tune music to most who hear it! Similarly when someone radiates beautiful harmonious vibrations, it will still be the underlying energy which makes contact with the other person, even if the interaction of the two energy fields and the person’s own ‘filter’ can skew it somewhat.
So in alignment with the rest of the teachings here, increasing your self awareness of what you actually are radiating will also help you begin to understand when you are coming out of balance, and the therapeutic practices we discuss and encourage will help to get you back to balance.
One to One Relationships
For the purposes of this work we’re going to stay with getting a general overview of how one to one relationship dynamics play out.
So we’ve identified that you, like everyone else radiates a particular set of vibrations from the energy centres (or chakras) on your body, and that those vibrations can illicit a number responses and reactions in other people, and vice versa.
So there are of course a myriad of combinations of chakra resonance or discordance that can happen in relationship with another person, since we are dealing with the dynamics of 7 different centres that are all significantly engaged and triggered in the intimacy of close relationship.
With each person you engage with, for each chakra, it can respond across the entire spectrum: It may be energized or excited, sit in a neutral or harmonious resonance, or be agitated (abraded) with. Friction or irritation as we often call it. This is why with any one person we can experience – often simultaneously – a sense of potential excitation and irritation! It all exists within the energy field between you and the other person at the same moment, and what comes to the surface can depend on which chakras are being triggered most or are in the ‘energetic ascendency’ at any one time.
In Osho’s teachings (Osho is an Indian mystic) he would often say that the degree of harmony you experience around another person would very much depend on how many of your chakras were in harmony with them. For example, If only 1 or 2 chakras were in harmony, then about 20% of the time you’d get on well, but the vast majority of the time you’re not going to get along. If roughly half your chakras aligned with the other person, roughly half the time you would get along well, and if most of your chakras were in harmony then indeed most of the time you are going to get along well!
Lets look at some more specific examples. You might experience around someone a great degree of excitation in the first and second chakra which means there would be a lot of sexual desire, but at the same time you might have an abrasion at the 6th Chakra (the 3rd eye) which means that you might see the world very differently and have conflict around it. So when you would be a in a sexual dynamic with your partner, and those chakras are in the ascendency, then you may feel very connected. But whilst debating life perspectives you may feel the connection becomes conflicted.
Or for example, you may have your Heart chakra in a state of excitation, so when you see each other you feel lots of Love and warmth, but if the throat chakra doesn’t resonate you might struggle to communicate and converse fluidly together.
An exercise I’ve often suggested to my patients is to look at which chakras are mainly triggered in particular relationships. Seeing relationship dynamics through this light can help to stop us from falling into judgment around our relationships, as there isn’t really a right and wrong of relationships dynamics, just the dance of what actually gets triggered between you. It can also help the mind to relax a little bit, as the mind always likes clear black and white opinion on what a relationship ‘should’ look like, and what category a particular relationship falls into – i.e that someone is either a boyfriend / girlfriend with a relatively fixed set of ideas of how that should be, or the person is just a friend, again with a set of ideas of how that should be. But as we are identifying, in reality, there are actually so many different permutations that can be going on within a relationship dynamic!
I’ve drawn out a few of the key chakra characteristics, resonances and abrasions from a couple of people I’ve had particularly close relationships with. Lets call the first person Charlotte. The 1st chakra felt very slightly activated, so there was a moderate degree of sexual charge, but the 2nd chakra felt strongly activated so I felt very at home and comfortable with this person. There was a strong competitive dynamic between us meaning that the 3rd chakra was slightly abrasive against one another. Interestingly, in Chinese Medicine the 3rd chakra sits above the Liver, which in that school of medicine is associated with our ability to assert ourselves and our direction in life, which can go some way to explaining why this energy centre can have an edge of competitiveness about it, that if it’s abrasive with another it can result with both wanting to assert themselves over the other. The 4th (Heart) centre resonated well, feelings of genuine non-conditional Love, as did the 5th centre, so communication was easy, and I would also say there was a strong spiritual correlation in the higher centres, that we felt on the same wavelength, attuned to similar subtle vibrations of energy.
Whereas when I’m engaging with ‘Liz’ I felt a huge amount of sexual charge, meaning the base chakra was very stimulated, but I wouldn’t actually feel so comfortable just hanging out with this person, the sense of comfort in my belly wasn’t great, so the second chakra was off resonance. Indeed, I’d often find my legs tightening up when I was with them as I felt off centre in their presence, and my legs were trying to grip onto the Earth to provide a sense of security. There was no competitiveness – so ease at the 3rd chakra, but there was a very strongly activated 4th (Heart) centre with huge feelings of Love towards her. With Liz there was also a tremendous ease of communication, so the 5th Chakra was strongly resonant, and interestingly when I communicated with them I actually felt my head and neck craning back slightly as if to open my throat and allow out the words I’d be longing to speak from the deeper levels of my being, from my Heart. And there was also a strong sense of Spiritual correlation from the higher centres as well.
So as we can see there is often a number of different forces at work within any one dynamic with another person, I’d hasten to add that the two pictures above both sound fairly good – of course they were which is why I chose to get close to these ladies as there was a lot of resonance, as we usually tend to pursue the relationships with more resonance! There are also plenty of examples I could also give of connections with people which had much more discordance, but I’d generally assess these dynamics pretty quickly, realize there was very little common ground and so less attraction to explore! Sometimes all we may have as a common frequency with someone is that we share a common field of consciousness – as in we may work in the same setting as someone so we share that perceptual context (3rd eye resonance – sharing a common perspective) but little else outside of that context. Or sometimes we know people who seem to irritate us on virtually every level!
A lot of people are not used to being able to perceive their relationships with others in this subtle light, not only because they are unaware of this phenomenon of chakra dynamics, but other times because unfortunately, they live in a slightly grosser sensory reality, where subtle energetics may not be detectable to their conscious mind. This is also what can happen when our subtle energy body ‘hardens’ up and becomes dense, which can be helped with a few cleansing techniques – yoga, therapies, time in nature, all make you a bit more sensitive.
Feel Through All Your Senses
For example, when we become less sensitive, a common misconception people make, particularly in opposite sex relationships, is quite often judging a person visually when they see them, when this is just such a small part of the energetic landscape and dynamics actually being experienced.
I quite often, having a more subtle awareness of my chakras, can be in proximity to another person and almost work through every centre and see which ones may be more activated / opened or which ones may be shying away and wanting to close to protect themselves.
It also helps to do this exercise to sort through some of the chaos of our experiences in close relationship to others, particularly those looking for the perfect partner, since you need to remember you are receiving input from all chakras some of which may resonate and some which may be abrasive to you – and the chances of meeting someone whose all 7 energy centres resonate with your own are apparently very slim! And vice versa – it can also help us understand our impact on people we are close to, and how we may affect them when we work out which of our energy centres are particularly charged.
Chakras In Depth
That should be enough to keep you going for a while! There is a myriad of depth to chakra dynamics in human relating. To read more about:
- how when chakras get triggered they can activate old latent memories (vibrations) we have absorbed into our system:
- how chakra stimulation can create mental level projections and sensory feelings
- how we can lock our posture to avoid experiencing the sensations in particular chakras
Please also view my dedicated work on Chakra Dynamics:
Otherwise stay tuned for the coaching info soon!
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